This was the first hard thing I had to deal with as far as telling my daughter no, on something that was so important to her. I had a really hard time with it so I wanted to share and get some feed back from my friends and followers.
Elese called me in January and asked if I would pay $155.00 for a field trip she was going on at the end of the year. This field trip would be a "gold rush" field trip, and all of her friends were going. After asking if her mom was going to pay for part of it, she said no because "mom has paid for all of my other field trips and they are too expensive, so she told me to call and ask you and daddy". I told her that at the moment I could not pay for the whole trip, and if her mom could help that would be great, after talking with her mom and getting the low down on how many field trips these kids go on and they are not your normal $25 field trips. They are $100 or more field trips that they go on about once a month (no wonder her mom said no).
I talked with Scott and we really did not have the extra cash at the time so we told her sorry but we just cant do it. Well this crushed my little girl. The more I thought about it the worst I felt for telling her no. This is a school trip and she should be able to attend. I know that I was able to go on every trip when I was in school (granted mine did not cost $155, but still). I talked to her mom and said that if Elese could earn $55 then I was willing to pay the $100 for her to go. Her mom agreed, and said it could be a lesson of earning things that you want. So I called Elese that night and told her the good news. Yes you could go IF and only IF you earn the $55. If you did not earn that portion of the field trip, then that was her loss, and she could not go. Well my little 11 year old was super excited and promised that she could earn that in no time.....
Well the rest of January went by and when I spoke with her she had not earned any money. I emailed her mom and asked if she had shown any interest in earning money and her mom said "nope, this is what I was afraid of". I reassured her that if Elese did not come up with her part of the bargain, then she could not attend. Her mom and Scott both agreed with me and supported me in my decision.
Elese called me about mid February and told me that she had earned $15, and wanted to know if there was anything she could do on her visit up to WA for some more money. I told her absolutely! Well they arrived and I had offered for her to do a pile of shredding papers that had built up and her response to me was "I will do it later". Well that offer stood for the week she was here, and there is still a stack of shredding that she needs to do. I gave her plenty of reminders that she still needed to shred, and I always got the same answer. So I let it be.
Elese called me this past Wednesday and sounded frantic. This is what she asked me "can you pay the $155 for my field trip and I will work off the money to pay you back". I tried to explain to her that, that was not the deal. And how unfair that was to me to call me the day before it was due and ask me to pay for it. I told her that I would have to talk to her dad and I would call her back. She then got really angry with me and yelled "I ran out of time and there was nothing I could do to earn money"!!! I very nicely asked her to stop yelling at me and I was not doing this to punish her by any means, it is a lesson in life that if you don't apply effort into what you are working for then you are not going to get things handed to you, because then you will expect things in the future.
I hung up with her and talked to Scott about the situation. He agreed with me and said that if she did not earn her share of the money then she should not be aloud to go. Now we both have a hard time telling her no on a school field trip, but a deal is a deal, and as much as this lesson sucks we are sticking to our deal. I made him call her and break the news to her. She was no doubt upset about the situation, but understood.
A few minutes later her mom called and spoke with Scott. She wanted to tell us thank you for not giving into her because she showed absolutely no effort into wanting to earn this, but at the same time she felt bad for her as we did because this is something very important to her, and to watch her cry in the back seat, was heart breaking. The three of us no matter how upset and bad we felt agreed that our ruling would stand. She would not be going on her Gold Rush Field Trip.
Ten minutes after Scott was off the phone with Miranda, EleseElese told me that her mom had went to the store. So I told her I would call her back.
I called Scott and told him the news our daughter just shared with me. He laughed and told me I better call Miranda and make sure she really has the money. So my next call was to Miranda. Well she was just as shocked as I was about Elese's finds, so she told me that if she indeed has the money she was to earn, then she should get to go. I told her that I 100% agree. If Elese is willing to use her "shopping" money on this trip then she should go. So after I got the confirmation text from her mom I called Elese and told her I would mail her the $100 to go on the field trip. I told her that I was proud of her for taking her own money and using it toward something she really wanted.
I was proud of my daughter and proud of my self for not giving in. I have a hard time saying no to them on certain things, with school trips being on of them. But in the end everyone was happy. There was a lesson learned on Elese's part. She learned that taking money out of one pot and putting it into another pot is good. But now my little girls "shopping" pot is empty, after I had explained this to her, this is the response I got "that's OK... I can just start doing things and earning money again". Lets hope she is more willing to earn money this time!
I love that the three of us parents could all work together and agree and support each other. It really helps when mixed family's like ours can work together to form a sound family and a great parental unit. I am sure this is the first of many issues we will have to work together on, but as long as we can stick together we will be a great team!
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